Liberated

Should a new Mom feel obligated to return to work, or obligated to stay at home with her child? How does she decide? Do we even have that option, to decide what we want to do after having children, given the way our country works? I've been struggling with this decision of going back to work (or not) and debating it's worth for a while now. For me, I didn't have a job to go back to (seeing as though I was laid off while preggo) and so going back to work for me was starting at the bottom of the totem pole again. Of course two incomes would make things much easier for us, but going back to work for me basically meant going to work to pay for a daycare, and so for a long time I went with the decision of it not being worth it. As Elijah gets older, I start to realize how much he might benefit from daycare to create a change in scenery for him, provide socialization, help him become comfortable with separation from me, and most importantly provide a break for myself. With those feelings, I began to look for work. I landed a few interviews and aced them all. I went from having no job to 3 or 4 different opportunities for jobs. One might think I was crazy, seeing the economy is the way it is, to know that I turned them all down. Each job had their separate reasons as to why they weren't going to work for me. Located too far, too much work for little pay, or too much time away from my family. I was told by many people how emotionally charged my decisions seemed to be and that maybe I should respect the fact that I simply just don't want to leave Elijah behind. Although partly true, I knew I just hadn't found something that perfectly fit my objective. Then again this objective had certainly left me thinking maybe I had set my hopes too high.

First day of daycare, first nap. A breeze!
8/26/2011
Thank you to Stacy Kelly for her awesome care,
and cooperation with us! :)

It's been a couple weeks, and  feel I have found a happy medium to my dilemma, and I'm so glad I followed my heart and waited for what felt right. I landed a part-time job in a field that I'm very interested in, it is local to my home and to Elijah's daycare and I couldn't be happier. The money I make basically only pays for the daycare but the sense of sanity I receive is by far the best payment that there is. I love my son, but any job where one is working 24 hours around the clock can and will be exhausting. I didn't feel like I was giving Elijah my all anymore because I was always feeling that I had so many other things that also needed to get done, and multi-tasking was taking precious time away from him. Now, on work days, I take Elijah to daycare an hour earlier, and that hour allows me to get so much more done. With that, the majority of the day that I do spend with him, is actually spent with him and only him. He gets the best of both worlds; one-on-one time with Momma, socialization with other children, and discipline from another caregiver. The job is very part-time but I receive a sense of being in the real world, which has helped in more ways than can be imagined. In addition, I still feel like I have a huge part in raising my son. Don't get me wrong, I've now added another task to my to-do list and now that is just one extra thing to get done in my already crazy day. However, the liberation I feel, has allowed me to stay motivated and I have found myself completing more of my at home duties, and not feeling so stressed out and frustrated about them. The combination of letting go of the idea of having to end each day in completion, with feeling like an adult again has brought me into a new light. I'm excited to journey down this road. I feel accomplished, and that I have found a little more of myself, and in result I feel like I'm being a better parent to my son.