"Threenager" "Thundering Threes" "Monsters"

Everyone warns you about the Terrible Twos, but no one prepares you for the Thundering Threes and everyone encourages that the Four's are glorious. Well when you mix the Threenager with adapting to a new way of life aka welcoming a baby sister, you've encountered a deadly combination, and I cannot wait for these Fours that are supposed to be glorious. We are currently in the middle of what seems to be a day to day battle. Many times I look down at my sweet, kind, well behaved child and I'm thinking, "who the hell are you??" I'm grateful that he hasn't taken his new found frustration with having to share attention at home out on his sister, but I find myself struggling with how to deal with these new behaviors that he's decided to take on full force. I'm told that this is all normal and that every parent with small children goes through it, but that doesn't exactly help with how to deal with it. He can be rude, disrespective, argumentative, and his tantrums went from crying to full blown kicking, screaming and talking back. He doesn't do things the first time you ask him to, and when you tell him to not do something he looks you straight in the eye and does it again. It's almost as if to say, and what are you going to do about it? Now, I have a 7 week old, and we all know what comes with that. I'm up at night, I'm nursing her what feels like all day long, she cries for periods of time when I'm not sure what's wrong so I can't soothe her, I'm trying to keep dinner on the table without getting take out, and trying to do my best with keeping our home somewhat clean. So, my energy is low and my patience is damn near non-existent when my preschooler simply just isn't cleaning up his toys, or threw a kicking and screaming tantrum because he didn't get to choose the color cup he wanted for dinner. Or even when I tell him not to play with his food and he's looking back at me straight in the eye and playing airplane with his fork. I know being consistent is key, and it's hard when you have one child, so having a newborn on top of that sometimes feels almost impossible. All I know is that I'm trying. I'm trying hard. I know this because when the clock hits about 8pm, I'm exhausted. I feel like he's constantly in time-outs, that I've taken every toy possible away from him and I've even not taken him some place we're all packed to go to because he acted out. But that doesn't change

his behavior the following day. I can take a toy away and he'll end up giving in and doing what I've asked him to do but that doesn't mean the next day he won't protest again. He manipulates and acts out when I'm nursing the baby because he know's he's caught me in a weak state when I can't jump up and get to him quickly. He takes advantage of me because he senses how tired I am and that the once strict parent I once was is more lenient and lets things slide. I feel like giving up but I know I can't. I recognize when I'm slacking and not being consistent and I'm putting every ounce of energy into trying to stay on top of that. I feel like the day of the glorious Fours is approaching quickly and I'm not convinced ours are going to be glorious at this point. I look at him sometimes and feel guilty because he can become such a monster in the split of a second and I don't know who my kid is anymore. I wish I had the answer, and I wish I knew that my efforts are going to be rewarded some day. But I don't know that right now. I don't know what's in the future or how well behaved of a child he's going to be. All I know is it all comes back to parenting. The weight is all on my shoulders, and sometimes that weight feels like it's burying me. I hope those glorious days are coming soon so that my next post can be an encouraging one with some answers for anyone else in the same position as I am. If you are with me already, and this post describes your home too then all I have for you right now, is that you're not alone. That large glass of wine you look forward to at the end of the day when your kids are asleep that you never even get to enjoy because you're so tired from arguing with a preschooler and feeling like every choice you make is challenged by that preschooler, I'm there too.

To work or not to work

Lets face it, daycare's and preschools can put a hole in a parents pocket pretty quickly. You almost trick yourself and when you are presented with the weekly numbers you think, "well that's not too much." But then you receive your tax documents and when you look at the amount listed under paid to date it will blow you away with how much you are paying in childcare for that year. 

As a personal choice I decided to stay home with Elijah for about a year and a half after he was born but after a year I was beginning to feel a little stir crazy. All of my friends were working and the Mommy friends I had met had returned to work. I was left feeling a little lonely. Elijah was showing more of his social side and so I felt that maybe part time daycare would be good for him and good for me. I found a job working with special needs children as a behavior therapist, and then later found a job at a preschool with the local school district. I loved it! I was so intrigued by the job and always wanted to learn more, and still do. I wanted to be able to pursue this field as my career and continue to advance up the ladder to higher positions. Unfortunately, it turns out with only a Bachelors degree in this field the ladder ends abruptly, in fact, there isn't actually one to climb and you're making mediocre salary.  

Then I became pregnant with Liliana, and as I began my maternity leave I was faced with the dilemma of either returning to work or to not return after she was born. The facts were simple. My wages were only enough to pay for Elijah's preschool tuition, and I couldn't advance in the field unless I go back to school for a Masters or Teaching Credential, which lets face it again, is outrageously expensive. I personally feel preschool is important once a child turns 3 and with Elijah being 3 1/2 I wanted to keep him enrolled. However, returning to work meant Liliana would have to go to daycare which would mean we would have to pull the money to pay for that out of somewhere else. 

In the end I chose to stay home and not return to work. I chose to keep Elijah enrolled in preschool because I feel like he's thriving there in more ways then one. It just means living expenses are a little tighter so that he is able to go. It means I am able to stay at home and bond with Liliana the same way I bonded with Elijah. It also means I give up a job I have a passion for. When I weighed them out, raising my kids outweighed that job and I'm ok with that, I had to be. Being a mom means sacrificing yourself at times and this was something I was willing to sacrifice. 

I sent my letter of resignation off today as my maternity leave has come to an end. It was bitter sweet. I'm going to miss the friendships I made and I'm most definitely going to miss the kids and the job. Hopefully some day in the future I will be able to work with them in this field again. Until then, I look forward to spending my days with these little loves, and remember that I'm blessed to be able to.