To work or not to work

Lets face it, daycare's and preschools can put a hole in a parents pocket pretty quickly. You almost trick yourself and when you are presented with the weekly numbers you think, "well that's not too much." But then you receive your tax documents and when you look at the amount listed under paid to date it will blow you away with how much you are paying in childcare for that year. 

As a personal choice I decided to stay home with Elijah for about a year and a half after he was born but after a year I was beginning to feel a little stir crazy. All of my friends were working and the Mommy friends I had met had returned to work. I was left feeling a little lonely. Elijah was showing more of his social side and so I felt that maybe part time daycare would be good for him and good for me. I found a job working with special needs children as a behavior therapist, and then later found a job at a preschool with the local school district. I loved it! I was so intrigued by the job and always wanted to learn more, and still do. I wanted to be able to pursue this field as my career and continue to advance up the ladder to higher positions. Unfortunately, it turns out with only a Bachelors degree in this field the ladder ends abruptly, in fact, there isn't actually one to climb and you're making mediocre salary.  

Then I became pregnant with Liliana, and as I began my maternity leave I was faced with the dilemma of either returning to work or to not return after she was born. The facts were simple. My wages were only enough to pay for Elijah's preschool tuition, and I couldn't advance in the field unless I go back to school for a Masters or Teaching Credential, which lets face it again, is outrageously expensive. I personally feel preschool is important once a child turns 3 and with Elijah being 3 1/2 I wanted to keep him enrolled. However, returning to work meant Liliana would have to go to daycare which would mean we would have to pull the money to pay for that out of somewhere else. 

In the end I chose to stay home and not return to work. I chose to keep Elijah enrolled in preschool because I feel like he's thriving there in more ways then one. It just means living expenses are a little tighter so that he is able to go. It means I am able to stay at home and bond with Liliana the same way I bonded with Elijah. It also means I give up a job I have a passion for. When I weighed them out, raising my kids outweighed that job and I'm ok with that, I had to be. Being a mom means sacrificing yourself at times and this was something I was willing to sacrifice. 

I sent my letter of resignation off today as my maternity leave has come to an end. It was bitter sweet. I'm going to miss the friendships I made and I'm most definitely going to miss the kids and the job. Hopefully some day in the future I will be able to work with them in this field again. Until then, I look forward to spending my days with these little loves, and remember that I'm blessed to be able to.